You Might Be and Innkeeper If...

A fun email I received today from a lodging group member... enjoy!

You might be an innkeeper if...

If you have a 1.5 million dollar home and you live in ten thousand dollars of it...

If it's been six months since you opened a new roll of toilet paper for yourself... and you're happy about that...

If you tend to refer to folks by their room names instead of their given names...

If you make eggs every day, but you eat corn flakes...

If you've ever contemplated a piece of bacon on somebody else's plate, wondering if it's been touched...

If your partner can Name That Story as soon as you start it...

If people usually ask what you used to do... before you retired...

If all your free time falls between noon and three...

If you've ever found a pair of underwear in bed and it never even crossed your mind that they might be yours...

If finding someone else's lace panties isn't grounds for divorce...

If you're regularly asked to predict the weather three months in advance (and you don't have a fortune-teller sign out front)...

Jacuzzi rooms? If your water usage exceeds that of a small nation...

If you have an oversized whirlpool bathtub with a sign next to it that says, "Please reuse your towel to conserve water."

If your husband brings home flowers once a week, and they're not for you...

If your best washcloths have been used as makeup removers, carwash cloths, shoe shiners, and to clean the dog's feet...

If your house is pristine, but your bedroom is stacked to the ceiling... "Don't put that there! Put it in my room."

If you've ever washed chocolate out of your pillow cases...

If stain removal is actually interesting...

If there are written instructions anywhere in your rooms (and you don't have teenagers)...

If you consistently vacuum your way backwards out of a room...

If people pay you to put your picture in their scrapbooks...

If, when you're out for dinner, you order dessert and then find yourself figuring out how to duplicate it for a breakfast course...

If you have named or numbered your bedrooms...

If your house has a theme...

If pictures of your bedrooms are displayed on the internet (and there is no "X" in your domain name)...

If the recycling guy thinks you have an orange juice addiction...

If there are five copies of every magazine in your house...

If you have ever given instructions to anyone about how to use any plumbing fixture in your bathroom... and all your kids are potty-trained...

If you find yourself explaining, once a week, what a grit is, you might be a Southern innkeeper...

If you've ever had to give directions and you're used to 'talking them in' and you're not an air traffic controller...

If you have a backup bedspread...

If you have seven coffee pots...

If yours is the only house on the block where Sysco stops...

If people pay to sleep in your bed and your profession isn't THAT old...

If you can make three varieties of stuffed French toast in your sleep with one hand tied behind your back...

If your new Neptune is more exciting than your new car...

If you have a clue what a mangle is, and there is one in your bedroom...

If your favorite fantasies are about competent kitchen help and a good laundry service...

If "No Vacancy" can prevent your mother-in-law from visiting...

If people spend their honeymoons with you... you'd BETTER be an innkeeper...

And finally, things you don't want to hear:
I didn't know it would get stuck.
Was it expensive?
Is that price for a week?
Do you take rottweilers? How many?
I think that was already broken.